Everything Is Coming Up Carpets

Photo 2094

Excuse the wonky eye on the right... Most likely a side effect of deadly carpet mold.

Slosh. Slosh. Squish. Slosh: The audible noises that can be experienced by my studio carpet. It’s flooding. The carpet is saturated, much like a sponge.

I am telling myself not to freak or go into some sort of rage blackout.

I am trying not to get stressed out by the known fact that my apartment has sprung a leak, and we may be slowly sinking into the LA river, or whatever body of water is near. I do not have a life vest, or a raft for this occasion. I could maybe fashion a paddle of sorts out of my mop or broom and just wait patiently somewhere starboard–accepting my inevitable nautical doom. A pirates life for me.

Due to the heat, I am tempted to drag in the community hose kept near the laundry room and run a slip n’ slide through my hallway into my flooded studio. It might be the only chance I have to slip n’ slide indoors and get away with the carpet damage being not my fault. With my luck, the plumber will arrive while I am mid slide. It is really hard to deny and stash a slip n’ slide in under 5 minutes…especially after answering the door in a swimsuit and goggles.

Now, since I have started to pen this here entry… a few things have changed.  I can no longer slip n’ slide without potential blame for the great lake forming on my floor.  Four buckets of water were wet vac-ed up out of there.  This morning, the smell coming from that room was something awful.  A combination of wet dog food and ass.  There are now holes in the walls and ceilings of my kitchen, bedroom and living room.  This leaves a total of two rooms in the house without holes… one of which is the aforementioned smelly room.  All the apartment furniture seems to be living in the living room.  Cozy.  It looks like I am a hoarder.  it makes me nervous sitting in my apartment… itchy.  Like I am going to be forced into a life of collecting beanie babies and feeding my 20 pet cats straight from my crowded carpet floors.  Uncomfortable.

supposedly someone is coming to work on the carpet tomorrow. I am nervous what they are going to find under there.  A functioning society of Eels?  The sequel to The Ring?  Nessie?  Deadly mold?  A new, rare and stinky cheese?

At least I could charge admission to see half of those options and make some  extra side cabbage.  I could even sell my new form of cheese to the Dutch.  I know lots of Dutch people.  They really like cheese.  I think i have an in there.

The possibilities are endless.

My hypothetical wet vac bucket, is definitely more than half full.  Everything is coming up carpets.


~ by soartsyithurts on September 17, 2009.

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