Full Moon

-1 I woke up this morning to my bathtub drain vomiting up some sort of gooey sludge and excess water. It backed itself up. Surely this is the start to a glorious Thursday. I am thinking that it may or may not have something to do with the raised floor in my office, and the sound of rushing water that can be heard when you put your head to the floor. We have put in several work orders for this problem to be fixed, but our landlady does not seem to be getting on the job.
Since the weather is heating up, maybe I will be able to catch her attention while she does her creepy, topless, cougarific, tanning in the pool. Her skin is like aged leather. It resembles one of those dried pig’s ears that one might purchase for their K-9. Nast.
I was starting to plan on how to shower in my galoshes, when Pete was able to get the water and sludge to go down. Thanks to Peter, I was able to shower this morning without boots, or fear of unknown gooey substances touching my bare flesh. Things were looking up.

Work seemed to be going normally. As normal as can be expected, when you work with a bunch of kindergartners. There was no more nose picking than usual, and everyone seemed like they were able to use their “inside voices”. I went outside with the kids while Sarah stayed inside to form an exciting new nap-time configuration. All of the sudden, I see one of the children chasing his classmates with a lemon from the lemon tree, trying to squirt the juice from the lemon in their faces. I put an end to that immediately, and confiscated said lemon. Literally a minute later, the same child was galloping around trying to knock down bird-feeders, stealing things that belonged the the other children, and trying to hit one child with a stick. I went to go and break up the madness, and inform the young hood-rat that he was going to need to spend some time sitting on the bench next to me, since he was not able to play with the other children. Before I could get out a full sentence, the child had thrown himself on the ground in a full on tantrum.


I was able to get him to sit on the bench. He spent the rest of outdoor play fake crying, and throwing himself on the ground. He started to tense up every muscle in his body and grunt. I believe he even growled at me at one point. And of course, in true kindergarten fashion, every time the child bent forward in one of his rage pouts, his pants would literally be absent from his ass, allowing me to see a full moon. I suggested that he should pull his pants up. He did. He also threw himself forward once again. Full Moon.

At this point I started to fantasize about what it might be like to have an office job. A cubicle of my very own. A place where it’s not the norm to have a foreign, bare backside three feet from your face. Sigh….

I look over at the benched child. He is picking his nose, and eating it. Over and over again. I mention to him that his fingers do not belong in his nose. He growls.

I think I’m getting through to him.

Later in the day, during nap… Sarah went to go check on this same child since he was taking an awful long time in the restroom. Apparently, what she found was a surprising sight. The child had taken a ribbon off of one of the play-stands and was now using this ribbon to leisurely “tie it around his junk”…Awkward…


After she urged the child to stop gift-wrapping his penis, and to throw the ribbon in the trash….I am sure she too was fantasizing about her very own cubicle somewhere.

While cleaning up from nap, I went to go and put one of the cots away…. and my hand landed in an unidentified moist substance. My money is on drool. I washed my hands. Twice.

Just another day at the office, my friends. Just another day.


~ by soartsyithurts on May 15, 2009.

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