Swine Time

I have been home sick for THREE days.  Something about the whole swine flu pandemic and parents not wanting their kids to be around teachers who are running fevers. Whatever.  Unfortunately I am running a fever…therefore I have been quarentined to my apartment.

In this time I have:

Crocheted 3.5 hats, mostly of the animal variety… although one of them is a cupcake.

Watched a disgusting amount of reality tv, including lowly MTV smut like “College Life”.  I also recently discovered some show about people who didn’t know they were pregnant, and then all of the sudden end up giving birth in public restrooms or in the mountains on a hike.  These instances are expertly reenacted by a team of overly emoting actors with bad fake bellies.  Of course, being the hypochondriac that I am… whenever I am bloated,  have gas, or have what one would refer to as a “food baby”, I start to freak out that maybe I am in the third trimester of my unexplained , symptom-free  pregnancy, and I will deliver a slimy newborn in the first grade bathroom at my place of work.  Thank you, Discovery Health…

Created an Etsy store in which one might be able to purchase one or many of my various hat creations.

Decided I should maybe give up cheese, since I am probably lactose intolerant.  I then went and ate some cheese.

Slept.  Woke up in feverish sweaty puddles.  It is over 95 degrees outside with makes me want to vomit and then punch someone real hard in the face.  Not only do I have a fever, but I have to deal with uncomfortable situations… like sweating in the backs of my knees..HATE IT.

Tried to do some yoga in order to hypothetically “sweat out” my sickness.  Instead I almost passed out within the first five minutes, started to sweat profusely (in an embarrassing fashion.  The type of sweating I would possibly mock someone else for.) and still ended up with a fever. A higher fever.

Done an inappropriate amount of facebooking.  Changed my status far too frequently.  I am bordering on “tool” status.

Born many ideas for brilliant screenplays… all of which are basically rip offs of other screenplays or pre-existing shows, but told through the eyes of the person’s cat.  A cat perspective script.  My favorite pitch being:

“So…I am writing a script about this bounty hunter.  His name is Cat.  Cat the Bounty Hunter.  He is excellent at bounty hunting.  He also has a cat.  A pet cat.  Oh, did I mention that this story will be from the Cat’s perspective?  Yeah.  Well…The cat is actually a criminal.  So, Cat has to bounty hunt his own pet cat after he cat-burgles someone and then breaks his parole.  It will be called “Cat Me If You Can”.  Sell it.”

I need to go back to work.


~ by soartsyithurts on May 8, 2009.

One Response to “Swine Time”

  1. “Cat Me If You Can”???!!! I think I’m going to PISS myself!

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