Duck Bills, Worms and Murderous Chickens: A Fortnight To Remember.

RANDOM HAPPENINGS OF THE PAST TWO WEEKS:

"Chickens Think Of Murder All Day!" by, Gina Biancaniello

"Chickens Think Of Murder All Day!" by, Gina Biancaniello

~Visited the Museum of Jurassic Technology. During my visit, I learned about the curative powers of a live duck’s bill when inserted into ones mouth. This is supposed to cure a cough. I also, met a greyhound named Toula, and found the title for the Nine Year Change’s debut album: “Infant Fingernails and the Gift of Song“. Magical, I know

~ I was enjoying a lovely lunch break with a coworker, laughing and giggling about who knows what… and then along comes my boss wearing one of his many pairs of unwelcome denim pants, and carrying a large grocery bag full of his lunching items. He sits down with us and proceeds to talk in detail about school shootings. Lets just say the laughter stopped. Who invited Buzzkillington to the party? Also, he did all of this with some sort of coleslaw sauce in his beard. He is always eating something saucy… or more importantly, just always eating.  Later that day he proceeded to walk into the office while one of my coworkers was using the computer…belch…and leave.  He was on a role.

~I befriended the kid who growls at people.  He thinks my name is Alyssa.  I can’t seem to convince him otherwise. He still growls at people…however, he doesn’t growl at me as much anymore.

~I watched a child violently cough up her lasagna onto her elbow and than eat it off like it ain’t a thang.

~Worms inhabited a large mushroom that was left in kindy over the weekend.  Brown worms.  They made the room smell of decay and  ass.  In the same day two drinking glasses were broken during indoor play time, Satan’s Fetus (the “Potato Bug”)  was sighted and was reported to be looking more and more like an adolescent, and I had to reprimand a child for licking his feet during nap-time

~My drawing skills were challenged by a five year old.  He asked me to draw him a spider, and when I did, he proceeded to cry because he felt it looked more like an octopus.  Seriously?

~I manage to catch another friendly death virus, complete with lots of mucus and coughing.  If only I could acquire a live duck bill to insert into my mouth.

~A child sneezes at the table.  I look over.  He has a boog hanging out of his nose, of course.  Instead of asking for a Kleenex he proceeds to try and slurp the booger from his nose into his mouth.  He is not successful, and soon asks for a Kleenex.

~A child which I fondly refer to as “Benjamin Button”, due to his elderly man appearance (and not in a cute way) decides to pick the nose of his brother “Little Buttons”… and visa versa.  The boogers are then consumed orally by both parties.

~There was an intense attack of BABY VOICES these past few weeks.  Not cute.

~Jumpy (a frequent school visitor of the squirrel species) managed to steal one of my dirty Kleenex’s and abscond with it away to his nest.  It was also brought to the attention of Sarah and I that the preschool teacher has been using dirty tactics in order to gain Jumpy’s affection… she gave him a cupcake.

~THE CHICKENS GO WILD. Hateful and Worthless (real names Lucy and… I don’t remember) mame a dove to the point that the dove has to be rescued and entered into “bird rehab”.  I don’t blame the chickens for being angry… the kid that growls has been found in their pen before chasing them with a stick and trying to hit them…but they have a real murderous streak those ones.  The preschool teacher became fearful after this attack and decreed that she did not think it would be safe to eat their eggs anymore… something along the lines of “bad energy”. Awkward.

~ Within a two day period I witnessed both a beat-down and a mugging… BOTH occurring on the side of the road on my way home from work.  Hood-rats, I tell you.

~I was sent a memo from a friend about something called “Slapcheek Virus” and how it is the newest thing running rampant in schools. Great. It is characterized by some sort of crazy cheek rash… which eventually leads to a full on itchy body rash.  If i acquire this ailment, I think I might just quit.

~Come to the conclusion, due to my boss’ stealthy capasity for lurking and appearing out of nowhere, that I should find a way to attach a cat-bell to him… or perchance fasten taps to all of his shoes.

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~ by soartsyithurts on March 11, 2009.

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