"Me" As Drawn By Gina Biancaniello (psst..that's me.)

My Week As Documented By The Commonly Asked Question: Seriously?


There is a black widow the size of a plump kumquat lingering above this light-switch I have to turn off. I think I can see the hair on its legs. It better not descend from its creepy webetry and make a home in my bag, only to bite me later (leading to my quick and eminent and most likely painful death) … or worse climb up my nose and lay eggs in there like on some shit you’d see on some crazy medical show. I’ll just run really fast after turning off the light switch. 1…2….3… RUN!


I know it has been raining, but is the size of that mud-puddle those kids are skirting really necessary? It looks like a small bog. Someone is going to fall in. I should say something… “Children…You need to get away from the…” and SPLASH! Two kids down. Too bad nearly everyone has run out of a change of clothes. Little muddy footprints everywhere. Just as long as no one else goes near that mud-….SPLASH! Two more down. Boots full of liquid mud. Time to go inside.


My boss wearing a pair of carpenter jeans. I know, they are not the dressy ones I usually blog about… but… equally as repulsive in their own right. Especially with the magenta sweater he has decided to pair them with. I can’t explain my repulsion to you all.. you would just have to meet him yourself to get it. And why is he always eating something that resembles coleslaw… it’s all messy and in his beard and moustache combo. I think he just stole that kids almonds. My God. Vulture.


It is nap-time on a Monday. I can hear children from the 4th/5th grade class doing a crazy vibrato heavy rendition of one of tunes from Wicked in the assembly hall. OVER and Over. I assume they are doing this performance for the musical assembly on Wednesday. I want to see this gem of a performance… but I will be going to a seminar/class thing on “Bullying In Schools”. Too bad. I am in a two person band called “The Nine Year Change”, and we could have made our debut at this very assembly. I guess our musical genius will have to wait.


I have woken up with a migraine that has caused me to lose vision in my right eye. Terrifying. Panic. I take Imitrex, Advil, Tylenol… I am convinced by the amount of pain I am in and by my current blindness that I am going to have to go to the hospital and get one of those awful shots. It reminds me of this one migraine I got in high school where I couldn’t feel my hands and I vomited up something that resembled raspberry applesauce in the bathroom sink. I gain my vision back in the early afternoon, and manage to watch Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins through sunglasses. I am embarrassed by my migrainial movie choice. And no… Roscoe, you are not welcome in my home. Get out. You were awful.


I have a zit on my nose. It is evolving into something that I think might be qualified as a parasitic twin. It’s eating up my face. Huge. Red. Completely frightening… and oh so tender. Ouchie. Thank God I am a make-up artist… it will now just look like a fleshy colored textured lumpy thing after I work my magic skillz. Much better. Who am I fooling? I am waiting for a five year old to inquire about it.


I missed a documentary show called “My Giant Legs” or something awesome like that. Sarah told me about it. I want to see that. Note to Self: Search for said documentary, and DVR that shit.


A child spends all of outdoor play fake crying on a bench in order to get attention. When that does not work, she SCREAMS as loud as she can at a “bug” that is going to attack her. Nicely played.


I walk into the Hebrew school at which I am attending a class on “Bullying Prevention”… I am in love. There are fifty or so pictures of Rabis in the front hall. Shalom.


I am at a two hour class about “Bullying Prevention” in schools. Fifteen minutes in I kind of want to shoot myself in a combination force of boredom and depression. Cyber bullying freaks me out, btw. My hypothetical fourteen year old would most likely not be allowed on myspace. Our instructor is kind of used to talking to inner city schools, and while I appreciate her enthusiasm, I do not so much appreciate her overuse of the phrase “Mad-dogging.” We get to watch such videos as “Daniel and Dodge-ball” or something like that, where Daniel is picked last even though he was promised a space on one of the teams by one of the captains. It leads to bullying of course… and bad acting. Poor Daniel. I get a certificate for my participation of this two hour process. I really think this class will help me out in Kindy. Those five year olds be Mad-dogging, yo.



~ by soartsyithurts on February 12, 2009.

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