Saturday Sightings

speechbubblepicI was overwhelmed with disappointment yesterday. upon sighting one of my fellow coworkers at the school’s open house. I had dragged Pete along to this Saturday work venture, so that he might better understand my workplace, and be able to meet some of my coworkers. The particular coworker that I was a little disappointed with, I will call the “Fashionista”. He is a sweet man with a penchant for high waisted polyester pants, blouses, silk scarves as neck adornments, vests, Mexican themed beaded belts… and so much more. I know you might think you know someone who wears their pants high… don’t we all… however, I do not exaggerate to say that I have seen this man’s polyester breeches fasten somewhere directly under his nipples. Yesterday, to my disappointment, he was only wearing a semi outdated cream suit which looked like it was possibly fashioned out of couch upholstery from the mid 80’s. His pants were moderately high. There was no silk scarf. There was a blouse under the suit, but nothing too flamboyant. Sad. I wanted Pete to see the full glory that is Mr. Fashionista. Oh well.

During the course of the open house, Sarah put on a found object puppet play to the story of The Three Billy Goats Gruff. Fantastic. My favorite part being the largest billy goat, as he was imagined out of an intensely huge rock “trip tropping” over the bridge and defeating the pine cone made troll. Huzzah. After the puppet play, and some of the neurotic potential parents started to filter out, it was time to go. Pete and I went to lunch with Sarah and her husband Steve. It was lovely. During the course of the meal, I had to take a bathroom break. In the awkwardly small bathroom I encountered an older lady who started to talk to me rather closely.

“You have lovely eyebrows…”

“Uh. Thank You.”

“No, Really. You should be an eyebrow model.”


Saved by the flush. The woman occupying the single stall bathroom had opened the door, creating room for my new eyebrow admirer to leave me alone. The strange part about her love for my particular set of eyebrows was how they were completely opposite from her own set. The main difference being that mine are actually real, and hers were thickly penciled on with a grayish black eyeliner pencil.

After our lunch had come to a close, we walked Sarah and Steve out to their car. In the distance, on the lawn of the Sherman Oaks/Van Nuys Park, was a man laying spread eagle, on his back, baking himself in a tight and rather skimpy black speedo. It always amazes me when people decide to stip down and sunbathe in awkward locations. There was no pool, there was no beach, there was no privacy. Just this man, some sun, and some joggers running by trying to ignore the prominent display of his testes. After laughing for a moment at the silliness of this sighting, Sarah and I wondered if he may actually be dead. Would we open the paper tomorrow to find “Dead swimmer found in park…” ? Most likely not. Probably just an arrest for indecent exposure.

After we parted ways, It was time to go and buy some work shoes… I usually wear flats to work since I am on my feet a lot, but the current state of my flats is sad. Two out of three pairs can be manually made to talk. One pair is just hideous. It was time. We went to DSW in Studio City. I hit the sale rack. I love the sale rack there. I was able to purchase four pairs of shoes for under seventy bucks. Love it. I didn’t find the boots I wanted… but, oh well. Peter needed coffee after our shopping stint, so we stopped in at the Coffee Bean. Of course, in front of us was Tim Allen ordering himself some sort of latte. This is the second time since I have lived in the Oaks that I have seen Tim Allen. He must live around here. So, there we were, behind the Santa Claus…who was taking an unusual amount of time at the Sugar and Cream bar….C-MON, Tim Allen! Just because Galaxy Quest was a decent film does not mean you get to monopolize the creamers. I know that you were in the movie Jungle 2 Jungle… but, that does not give you prolonged entitlement to the sugar jug. Move over. After successfully managing to get in some cream and sugar time we were outta there. We took the escalator down to our car, where at the bottom we see Tim Allen once again… just standing in a doorway…and standing some more. Awkward. What was he waiting for?

Later in the evening, we went to go to Best Buy to get Vicky Christina Barcelona. Upon check out, I made eye contact with a short version of Pink. I then realized she had all of the same tattoos as Pink. I guess it was Pink. She had nice boots. Apparently my mother once made BFF’s with Pink  at a Grammy After-party… maybe I should have said “Hi, Pink. You know my mom and stuff. Cool boots.” I opted to just walk out and keep this imagined scenario to myself. I had to go and get some stuff to bake cupcakes for my friend’s b-day, anyways… what if Pink had wanted to like hang out? I just didn’t have the time.

So, there you have it. A Saturday in the Oaks.


~ by soartsyithurts on February 1, 2009.

2 Responses to “Saturday Sightings”

  1. Oh god, Tim Allen is SO annoying…he was clearly waiting to be recognized. Too bad your 1/4 boss wasn’t there to kick him!

    Also, may I please be invited to one of these Open Houses at some point?

    And did you like Vicky Christina Barcelona? I couldn’t stand the bad acting. But Javier Bardem was sexy, which is weird.

  2. You live a FAR more exciting life than I do Gina . . .

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