Killing Them Softly…

sadcontrastmeI have come to the recent conclusion that I may or may not be losing my mind. On the way to work the other day, while I was rocking out and driving in my new vehicle, I realized that I could not for the life of me remember how old I was. 23? 24? I know it was between 23-24… but I couldn’t make a solid commitment to either. I tried to call my mother, but she was not answering… I was hoping she would automatically know my age and ease my senility if only for a moment. She was not home. I tried to call Pete. I got one of those “The subscriber you have tried to reach…”, which either meant Pete had taken an impromptu trip to a large mountain range with no service, or he had indeed not yet paid his phone bill. He wasn’t at the mountain range, to I guess it had to be the later. Awesome. No one seemed to be answering my senile call for help! I was a little suspicious that maybe I had a concussion at this point. While trying to put together my work outfit of the day, I managed to hit my head (with grand lightning force) into the door frame on my closet…It warranted many expletives. Was my brain slowly swelling inside my skull? Was the memory of my age the first thing to slip away? What was next? My name? Should I maybe be seeking medical attention? Should I ask the voice recognition thingy on my swell Honda to find the “Nearest Hospital” ? Ugh.

I arrived at school, still panicked. While I was doing snack time dishes, I asked Sarah how old I was… just point blank. She replied with an “Are you serious?”…I am fairly certain she then saw the tears in my eyes and realized that I was very serious. “You are 24.”, she said. I knew it. I had suspected as much. Crisis averted. Kind of. The rest of the day I was still a little suspicious of my brain and it’s potentially deadly swelling… Silently putting me first into a nursing home, and then possibly killing me? That’s probably not how that works, but that was my train of thought. Slowly slipping into senility.

I’ve been under a bit of stress lately. Perhaps that has effected my brain function and my long term really important memory of such things as my AGE! I am sure you may be wondering what ever happened with that whole “kicking incident”, mentioned in my entry “A Real Kick In The Pants.” I wish I could report that it was taken care of smoothly, and that I got a nice apology and things were not weird. Of course, this is not the case. I ended up getting called into a meeting with The College. The College is a group of four teachers, that basically help to run the school… I dunno… I found out in this process of trying to get this whole situation handled, that the man I usually refer to in these blogs as my “boss”, is not entirely my boss… but rather 1/4 of my boss, since he is one of the four members on The College. Two of the other members are actually directly related to him (being his sister and his wife) and the other member is Sarah (thank God.) It was really uncomfortable trying to talk to these people when no one had said anything about the incident. There was a giant elephant in the room. So after the first part of the meeting (Where I was refered to as a “Yard Duty” and an “Aid”… with a handful of other choice equally insulting statements.) I was on my way out, when I felt like maybe I should just go back in there, be an adult and confront them about the whole kicking thing. I wanted to get past it, and thought maybe he would apologize, and it could kind of come to a close for me. I hate open ended awkward situations. So, I go back in there…I try to tell my part of the story, to which Fancy Pants replies “May I tell my side of the story?”… which was completely inaccurate, but I listened anyway. I basically had to ask for an apology (through tears…things weren’t going so well.) and I got the most condescending apology I have ever received from another human. Something like “I am sorry you FEEL that way. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I really thank you. Perhaps It will help me on my journey of learning..” Some weird bullshit, spun with a complete condescending tone. I couldn’t handle things at this point… they were all kind of just staring at me blankly as I cried and tried to keep my tears in. (Everyone except Sarah… she isn’t like that.) I ended up walking out because the uncomfortability level was just skyrocketing. It took everything in my power not to quit right there on the spot. I cried for quite a bit, just feeling completely devalued and unheard.

I felt super defeated. Now I am just trying to handle it by doing my job really well, and being extremely nice to everyone… Not like I wasn’t nice to everyone before… but, ya know. Killin’ them with kindness. It’s not the easiest thing to do, being as how I don’t generally like a lot of my coworkers… but they seem to be uncomfortable when I am super friendly, and that makes me laugh.

So, just to wrap up here…to my knowledge, I never had a concussion, and my brain in not swelling against my skull violently. I am still alive. I know my name, and my age…even what day it is. Fancy. My sorta kinda boss is still an asshole, but I am dealing with it. I am sure I have more to write…but it will have to wait until later, as my oatmeal is getting cold, and who likes cold oats? Not this girl.


~ by soartsyithurts on January 30, 2009.

2 Responses to “Killing Them Softly…”

  1. You’re 24. I see you came to the conclusion already, but just in case you come in doubt again . . . call me 🙂

  2. Wish I could have been in the country and reachable. I know your age. And I remember a lot of other important things about you, too, so if you need to know anything else, or just want the comfort of knowing someone knows, I’m here.

    Also, is it bad that I want to go to your school when you get back and inform the parents of the children that go there of this incident so that this horrible man will be affected by what he did?

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